I have in my possession an object that fills me with worry and a bit of dread. It is small and stained... I am keeping it with me, hidden and tucked away until I know what to do with it.
At the moment, dear journal, I am sitting in the office of the library. As per usual this time of day it is quiet and I hear 17 pleasantly working away. She is dusting tirelessly and cleaning shelves that I know will never be cleaned.
There is history in this library of both good and bad times. I do not even know a quarter of it yet... though I am still trying to learn, still trying to understand all sides of this history.
However, at the moment there is a fallen darkness that looms over this place, it came and left so quickly last night that I was not here to experience it personally. I am only hearing bits and pieces of this story and I do not know what to make of it. We are not yet prepared. The librarians are not informed enough and I need to learn all sides as soon as I can.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Dreaming
The other night I had a most unsettling dream.
I was present in the library, yelling... something I rarely do, but yelling incoherently at a group of people. They are my friends, peers, librarians. We were in a circle, I in its center, all pledging our lives to help one another. There was a bang on the door and we all fell silent. All of us feared what we knew was coming however we all were prepared for it.
Another bang and a darkness filled the room. I felt wicked eyes upon me, searching the very depths of my mind and of my body. The darkness filled me, I could feel it like a rush of fire within my veins. I could feel the entity struggling, to keep itself at the front. On the outside I saw myself, my eyes going black and a voice that is not my own speak. It shook in a struggle, "You will not have this woman, she is mine." it was hollow but still spoke the words as clear as day.
My body was shaking then, I had gone back, left only to watch through my eyes as my entity struggles within me. A final shake and all I could see was red... though the outside had given me yellow eyes.
I awoke at that moment, much like I had upon my arrival to Toxian. There was a new weight on my back, heavier, more solid. I turned and flexed my shoulders. I saw strength in my wings and sighed softly.
My mind has new thoughts with which to consume my time with now.
I was present in the library, yelling... something I rarely do, but yelling incoherently at a group of people. They are my friends, peers, librarians. We were in a circle, I in its center, all pledging our lives to help one another. There was a bang on the door and we all fell silent. All of us feared what we knew was coming however we all were prepared for it.
Another bang and a darkness filled the room. I felt wicked eyes upon me, searching the very depths of my mind and of my body. The darkness filled me, I could feel it like a rush of fire within my veins. I could feel the entity struggling, to keep itself at the front. On the outside I saw myself, my eyes going black and a voice that is not my own speak. It shook in a struggle, "You will not have this woman, she is mine." it was hollow but still spoke the words as clear as day.
My body was shaking then, I had gone back, left only to watch through my eyes as my entity struggles within me. A final shake and all I could see was red... though the outside had given me yellow eyes.
I awoke at that moment, much like I had upon my arrival to Toxian. There was a new weight on my back, heavier, more solid. I turned and flexed my shoulders. I saw strength in my wings and sighed softly.
My mind has new thoughts with which to consume my time with now.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Preparation
There is a darkness coming that threatens all of us dear journal. I fear that it might be the end of those that I call friend and those even that I would call enemy. It is a darkness from a past that is not my own, never have I felt such fear for something I know nothing about.
Its name I dare not utter lightly, nor write down here. He is that which we all fear, that lurking inside our closets and under our beds. He is cruel and devious but most of all powerful.
We have a plan in the workings and I have offered one of my prized processions. One of a few things of my own personal property I managed to find when I returned to the city. My beloved pocket watch. It is all I have in remembrance of a past life, something that told me I was truly once alive and did not dream of my memories.
It is worn. Made of gold, steel and springs. It was originally created by Patek-Philippe in the 1850s, the crown-wind, crown-set movement did away with the watch-key which was a necessity for the operation of any pocket watch up to that point. The first crown-wind and crown-set pocket watches were sold during the Great Exhibition in London in 1851 and the first owners of these new kinds of watches were Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. Crown-wind, crown-set movements are the most common type of watch-movement found in both vintage and modern pocket watches.
Most of all it is mine. I will give it up to serve its purpose for it is only an object. However, if the plan goes as it should I will be sacrificing something much greater than something that would tick of an eternity if given the chance.
One of the first things I told Denny is that I would take a bullet for a book.
For my friends, I would take much more than a bullet.
Its name I dare not utter lightly, nor write down here. He is that which we all fear, that lurking inside our closets and under our beds. He is cruel and devious but most of all powerful.
We have a plan in the workings and I have offered one of my prized processions. One of a few things of my own personal property I managed to find when I returned to the city. My beloved pocket watch. It is all I have in remembrance of a past life, something that told me I was truly once alive and did not dream of my memories.
It is worn. Made of gold, steel and springs. It was originally created by Patek-Philippe in the 1850s, the crown-wind, crown-set movement did away with the watch-key which was a necessity for the operation of any pocket watch up to that point. The first crown-wind and crown-set pocket watches were sold during the Great Exhibition in London in 1851 and the first owners of these new kinds of watches were Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. Crown-wind, crown-set movements are the most common type of watch-movement found in both vintage and modern pocket watches.
Most of all it is mine. I will give it up to serve its purpose for it is only an object. However, if the plan goes as it should I will be sacrificing something much greater than something that would tick of an eternity if given the chance.
One of the first things I told Denny is that I would take a bullet for a book.
For my friends, I would take much more than a bullet.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Room of Angel
SILENT HILL 4 ~ Room of Angel lyrics
Version 1.0
Created by ZhouTaiRoks
Listen to it here.
-----------------------------
You lie silent there before me
your tears they mean nothing to me
the wind howling at the window
the love you never gave
I give to you
Really don't deserve it
but now there's nothing you can do
so sleep in your only memory of me
my dearest mother
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
goodbye
goodbye
So insignificant
sleeping dormant deep inside of me
are you hiding away lost
under the sewers
maybe flying high in the clouds
perhaps you're happy without me
so many seeds have been sown in the field
and who could sprout up so blessedly
if I had died
I would have never felt sad at all
you will not hear me say I'm sorry
where is the light
wonder if it's weeping somewhere
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
Version 1.0
Created by ZhouTaiRoks
Listen to it here.
-----------------------------
You lie silent there before me
your tears they mean nothing to me
the wind howling at the window
the love you never gave
I give to you
Really don't deserve it
but now there's nothing you can do
so sleep in your only memory of me
my dearest mother
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
goodbye
goodbye
So insignificant
sleeping dormant deep inside of me
are you hiding away lost
under the sewers
maybe flying high in the clouds
perhaps you're happy without me
so many seeds have been sown in the field
and who could sprout up so blessedly
if I had died
I would have never felt sad at all
you will not hear me say I'm sorry
where is the light
wonder if it's weeping somewhere
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
it was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry oh well
here's a lullaby to close your eyes good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
good-bye
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Words, words, words!
I have been busy of late and not had much chance to speak with anyone casually. At the same time I have become fascinated with words.
The word can be so small and yet mean a great deal. Words are to not be taken for granted as they may contract a deal, instill power, confess feelings, or damn someone entirely.
There are a few in question that I would like to analyze.
Yes: adverb, noun, plural yes⋅es, verb, yessed, yessing, interjection
–adverb 1. (used to express affirmation or assent or to mark the addition of something emphasizing and amplifying a previous statement): Do you want that? Yes, I do.
2. (used to express an emphatic contradiction of a previously negative statement or command): Don't do that! Oh, yes I will!
3. (used, usually interrogatively, to express hesitation, uncertainty, curiosity, etc.): “Yes?” he said as he opened the door. That was a marvelous show! Yes?
4. (used to express polite or minimal interest or attention.)
I find that this definition is sufficient except in cases where yes can also mean no. That which we want but do not wish to succumb to the desire, we will say yes to feed the need only to later regret it.
This also equally and oppositely sufficiently described the word "no."
Though let me delve a bit deeper into No.
No: adverb, adjective, noun, plural noes, nos, verb
–adverb 1. (a negative used to express dissent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question or request)
2. (used to emphasize or introduce a negative statement): Not a single person came to the party, no, not a one.
3. not in any degree or manner; not at all (used with a comparative): He is no better.
4. not a (used before an adjective to convey the opposite of the adjective's meaning): His recovery was no small miracle.
No is a strong word, just as yes. No however holds more weight as with the right person would stop the negative indication of having to use such a small word. However no is also known for being mistaken right after submission into consciousness.
Thus it leads to mistaken meaning, confusion, upset stomach, pink eye, bloody nose... sorry, bit of a tangent.
The point is Book, that words, no matter how big or small, how glorious sounding or how vulgar are all very equal in the fact that they cause confusion when the meaning behind them is not distinct. I an not proud enough to say that I have never made a mistake in my language and I would stupid and ignorant to assume that I would never make mistakes in the future. But I say this Book, think before you speak, lest you create undue frustration.
The word can be so small and yet mean a great deal. Words are to not be taken for granted as they may contract a deal, instill power, confess feelings, or damn someone entirely.
There are a few in question that I would like to analyze.
Yes: adverb, noun, plural yes⋅es, verb, yessed, yessing, interjection
–adverb 1. (used to express affirmation or assent or to mark the addition of something emphasizing and amplifying a previous statement): Do you want that? Yes, I do.
2. (used to express an emphatic contradiction of a previously negative statement or command): Don't do that! Oh, yes I will!
3. (used, usually interrogatively, to express hesitation, uncertainty, curiosity, etc.): “Yes?” he said as he opened the door. That was a marvelous show! Yes?
4. (used to express polite or minimal interest or attention.)
I find that this definition is sufficient except in cases where yes can also mean no. That which we want but do not wish to succumb to the desire, we will say yes to feed the need only to later regret it.
This also equally and oppositely sufficiently described the word "no."
Though let me delve a bit deeper into No.
No: adverb, adjective, noun, plural noes, nos, verb
–adverb 1. (a negative used to express dissent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question or request)
2. (used to emphasize or introduce a negative statement): Not a single person came to the party, no, not a one.
3. not in any degree or manner; not at all (used with a comparative): He is no better.
4. not a (used before an adjective to convey the opposite of the adjective's meaning): His recovery was no small miracle.
No is a strong word, just as yes. No however holds more weight as with the right person would stop the negative indication of having to use such a small word. However no is also known for being mistaken right after submission into consciousness.
Thus it leads to mistaken meaning, confusion, upset stomach, pink eye, bloody nose... sorry, bit of a tangent.
The point is Book, that words, no matter how big or small, how glorious sounding or how vulgar are all very equal in the fact that they cause confusion when the meaning behind them is not distinct. I an not proud enough to say that I have never made a mistake in my language and I would stupid and ignorant to assume that I would never make mistakes in the future. But I say this Book, think before you speak, lest you create undue frustration.
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