My light has burnt out, I do not know what it is that I have done to cause this, but it is gone. I am mortal once more and thank who ever I need to that Cidriel was there to catch me.
The air is burning, my lungs are filling up, I have not much time left before I will die.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Such light
I traveled to the Voo Doo Shop on a specific purpose. Only moments before Selk'Tar'Oth had burst forth without my want or calling. I had some how lost control of her. I could not allow this to happen again. I went to look for help, meditation and Denenthorn's words just are not enough anymore. I met with a very kind woman by the name of Kay. She called upon the other members of the Coven to help me.
They gathered at the strange circle they have on the second floor and called Selk'Tar'Oth to the surface. Some how they managed through a means of distraction and powerful magic were able to capture and put her inside a stone of something... Calleigh, Kay, and Joenta's doing. I am most impressed but I cannot say the experience has not changed me.
I feel incredible. I laugh with ease and cannot help but smile near constantly. I feel wonderful and I do not wish it to end. My light is finally cleared and all I wish to do is help and make all others around me just as happy.
I have already accomplished so much without the bothersome Selk'Tar'Oth in the way. If only Denenthorn were around to see truly what has happened. I am sure that he has heard of it by now, but to really see this change, if I can notice it it is quite stunning. I think he would finally be proud of me.... or loathe me, I can never tell completely with him. However I feel fantastic, like a floating dream, I wish to never wake up!
People have complained that I am too bright, I cannot help but laugh, I feel this light ever pouring out of me. I feel on top of Toxia, higher than the Port Authority building even. I feel as though I could fly rather than fall with style. Oh I wish that to be next...
I wish to fly!
They gathered at the strange circle they have on the second floor and called Selk'Tar'Oth to the surface. Some how they managed through a means of distraction and powerful magic were able to capture and put her inside a stone of something... Calleigh, Kay, and Joenta's doing. I am most impressed but I cannot say the experience has not changed me.
I feel incredible. I laugh with ease and cannot help but smile near constantly. I feel wonderful and I do not wish it to end. My light is finally cleared and all I wish to do is help and make all others around me just as happy.
I have already accomplished so much without the bothersome Selk'Tar'Oth in the way. If only Denenthorn were around to see truly what has happened. I am sure that he has heard of it by now, but to really see this change, if I can notice it it is quite stunning. I think he would finally be proud of me.... or loathe me, I can never tell completely with him. However I feel fantastic, like a floating dream, I wish to never wake up!
People have complained that I am too bright, I cannot help but laugh, I feel this light ever pouring out of me. I feel on top of Toxia, higher than the Port Authority building even. I feel as though I could fly rather than fall with style. Oh I wish that to be next...
I wish to fly!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
On the wind
I never knew how harsh a wind could blow, or how such words could carry on the wind. I did not anticipate my will to be so weak... but I changed. I turned into something that I had never felt before, never dreamed of before... I thought my time locked away in my own head was bad, but to have complete control of my body and to have my mind conspire against all that I have known... that was far worse than what I was expecting.
Not only did I make such a fool of myself but I hurt four very dear to me I think. I have since apologized to the best of my ability... yet there remains one that is still most difficult.
It was something that I could hardly fathom ever doing to another... to hurt and humiliate them in such a way. They explained to me that it would go unmentioned, that it would be forgotten and forgiven, but that lingering sense of guilt still plagues me. I made them bleed... and I enjoyed it... it can be blown off by some that it was just something that happened, something that no one had any control over... but there were still a few... a good few who had control.
I feel as though I have lost trust in myself... until I can regain it I fear that I can hardly trust to keep much private with others... to be a keeper of so many of the cities secrets and to not even trust oneself... what a terrible burden.
This too shall pass.
Not only did I make such a fool of myself but I hurt four very dear to me I think. I have since apologized to the best of my ability... yet there remains one that is still most difficult.
It was something that I could hardly fathom ever doing to another... to hurt and humiliate them in such a way. They explained to me that it would go unmentioned, that it would be forgotten and forgiven, but that lingering sense of guilt still plagues me. I made them bleed... and I enjoyed it... it can be blown off by some that it was just something that happened, something that no one had any control over... but there were still a few... a good few who had control.
I feel as though I have lost trust in myself... until I can regain it I fear that I can hardly trust to keep much private with others... to be a keeper of so many of the cities secrets and to not even trust oneself... what a terrible burden.
This too shall pass.
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