On the wind

I never knew how harsh a wind could blow, or how such words could carry on the wind. I did not anticipate my will to be so weak... but I changed. I turned into something that I had never felt before, never dreamed of before... I thought my time locked away in my own head was bad, but to have complete control of my body and to have my mind conspire against all that I have known... that was far worse than what I was expecting.

Not only did I make such a fool of myself but I hurt four very dear to me I think. I have since apologized to the best of my ability... yet there remains one that is still most difficult.

It was something that I could hardly fathom ever doing to another... to hurt and humiliate them in such a way. They explained to me that it would go unmentioned, that it would be forgotten and forgiven, but that lingering sense of guilt still plagues me. I made them bleed... and I enjoyed it... it can be blown off by some that it was just something that happened, something that no one had any control over... but there were still a few... a good few who had control.

I feel as though I have lost trust in myself... until I can regain it I fear that I can hardly trust to keep much private with others... to be a keeper of so many of the cities secrets and to not even trust oneself... what a terrible burden.

This too shall pass.