Friday, September 10, 2010

The Stagnant

Thus I left them. I left most of this city to return my thoughts to myself. I wanted to ignore everything around me and let it all sink in. I spent a great deal of time on the beach or the boardwalk, collecting my thoughts. Much of my time was spent alone, that which was not in company of Ada or Mina or even Octobre for short whiles.

However, I could not escape Her. Selk'Tar'Oth wold not leave me alone. Instead she fueled my anger... I was angry at Denenthorn for what he charged my only one sided love to do. I could not be civil with myself without speaking to him about it. So i found him, alone, in the cemetery.

I approached and there were words. I wish I could say that there was a feirce battle, the likes of which drove my anger from me... but there was not. Those words exchanged were private. He gave me the right to kill him, I am most grateful not that I did not. He was to marry darling Vivi that Sunday, and forth that reason I would not murder him as he vicariously did me. I do not know if she knows the reasons... it is best left unsaid.

However with no vengence for my hatred Denenthorn spoke to me as only he could. Respectively I was without reason and he calmed me. The ice that had formed in my heart thawed and by the end of our conversation of wickness and duty. I had forgiven him. Still to this day he remains singularly who I would throw my life for. Vivi also... they come in a pair... both would damn my name should they properly know that though.

A plan was megerly formed. To know thine enemy is to know thy self. Considering I arrived to Toxia with hardly a name I had to find my past. Lorne was in the eather, it would have been too easy to ask him. I searched the library records, it came up with minimal information. My family names, my address, doctors notices... there had to be a way of contacting the past without contacting Michon personally.

I hate to admit it but I used my fellow librarians to this task, to my upmost joy they were eager and willing to help. I set them the tasks, described the man and they set to it. In the time between I sought my respected friends, those powerful in the seats they kept. I first set to meet with Dom of the Righteous Second in Command.

I did try to explain what was going on, the ever present battle in my head. This was when Selk'Tar'Oth screamed for blood, screamed for murder, to take and consume without ever think of the gravity of the situation. Dom in all of his brilliant splendor was blinded by his own light. His advise seemed to belittle me and I took it in stride. I tried to, still try to understand his God, his Light, his Voice... but all i could hear was Her whispering my ear to let Her take over, let her consume this Angel of power. I did give him thanks and I did consider it. To take in the light and drive out my own darkness. It was a plan that sounded flawless... however Selk'Tar'Oth knew and she snapped the idea from me in a nightmare. She convinced me enough that no light would drive her away.

I next sought Dio, leader of the Shadows. He and I have some history with each other, he to even have spent a good amount of time in the library under my wing. Since his time with the Shadows his mood and conversations had changed greatly. A near army at his finger tips and I felt the need to kneel to him. He would take none of that though and to my suprise spoke to me as though I were any equal. He had not forgotten me as I thought he would and allowed me to speak. He spoke to me of capturing Her as She was before... I assured him that she would not fall so easily for that again and it was most like sweeping a problem under a rug. She would escape and find me agian and Her reign would be all the more horrible. He then had urgent business to attend and I stepped away considering that if She is made of darkness, she would certianly consume that which any Shadow would provide.

My final stop was to Jaco, the Voice of the Coven. He and I keep good terms but he knew nothing of my creation. I told him of it and he himself was quite bewildered. He said that he would seek advice from the Gods and Goddesses that he worships but that they rarely tell him anything. He then said that it would be best to follow what I thought was right.

I set to do so. What felt right was revenge. What felt right was to kill Michon and end his physical life. But my love for him could not die so easily. I knew not what could be done with his soul.

I had to wait for my librarians to report to me.

No comments:

Post a Comment