Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Needless things

I crawled on my belly like the snake that I was accused of being, to the hospital and found a wheelchair to use for the coming days. My head was swimming, I had wronged my best friend, betrayed him to his eyes and for that he discarded me. He will not see my ways and I damn my humanity for giving me emotion. Were I so without it I would have no care for doing as I was made to perform. If I were as heartless as others call me things would be so much easier.

But there I sit within the library day after day, shelving what I can, aiding those who I may. There is not a purpose for this form, I have come to realize. These legs that do not work ate pointless to have. This body is far from perfect as well. The face is all wrong as us the overall structure of it. The nose is crooked, the eyes are too wide and the breasts are all together mispronounced on the cheat. The legs are too long but what does it matter when the no longer work.

This is a very disturbing line of thought, but it is a wretched cycle, the likes of which I cannot find reprieve until I am mended to continue. If my spine refuses to right itself then off with my legs.

It had been three days wince I returned. The haunted if hell fresh in my mind, as well as the loss of near everything dear to me. The Denenthorn would drop me so also means that I had lost dear Viviane. The two have always gone hand in hand and it felt heavy for such knowledge. I rolled the blasted chair to a store house at the edge of toxia.

I would rid myself of these legs and then my heart and to finalize this torment, I would lobotomize myself and hopefully perish eternally from the undertaking, let my mind be free if my body is cursed to remain.

I searched the storehouse for an ice pick it a skewer, something log to drive within my brain. I found a discarded swizzle stick and settled with a sigh. I unsheathed my large knife and raised it high and I pushed my leg out with my other hand. I let the blade fall with a sickening shunk, it didn't hurt at all but the bone was in the way. I was starting to saw when I heard a voice behind me.

It was Denenthorn. He asked what I was doing, but really I was incredibly fearful of him, what more he could take of me is beyond my thoughts now but he approached me. He restored my body and bade for me to stand.

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